Week 1
Week 1
Entire time in the hospital I was trying to stay positive and recover. I had no idea when I was going home and kept getting upset. I was also put on basically jello and broth diet which I was mad about but there was a reason for it. My colon is not working 100% and if I tried to go to the bathroom it was very painful and nasty. I was loosing lots of blood and they started to get worried. I was on heparin which bruised my arm severely and morpheme drip which turned out to be causing an allergy! I started to itch so badly and with heparin I started to be covered with bloody scratches. They took me off morphine couple days later and started to give me other meds. I was in pain and not having good time breathing, my lungs felt heavy and I was exhausted. After few days I was put on solid diet but could barely eat and I found out the more I ate the more it will hurt later. Belly is still tender, dressing was soaked but eventually stopped bleeding, I walked around with my husband who had to take over being a mom and dad. First time he had to do everything I did plus working. He would stop by with coffee from Starbucks and then return in the evening and go for a walk with me. I trusted him that everything is taken care off and did not worry. I was gaining a little bit more strength but I know this will take some time so I did not push too hard. He helped me with a shower which was such hard thing to do…my 5th day I was woken up very early yet with more blood work then my surgeon came in said maybe I can go home but they were all concerned with my hemoglobin which was already 8 every few hours they would do more blood work I was going to say if you keep taking my blood I will not have any left!!! Well I went under 7 and they said if I hit 6 I will have to get blood I said no fucking way! I am a germaphobe with major anxiety about sharing anything body related and blood??? Somehow we figured out it was OK for me to go home between surgery anemia and me just having heavy period during surgery and all week that I was OK to go and get tested in a few days. I missed my boys, cat and my own house. I was so happy to get out of there. My husband was such a trooper, he kept on pushing on for all of us but did say he broke down briefly here and there in privacy. Who wouldn’t…kids came to visit me and my sisters and nephew but the room so small it was hard to have visitors plus I just was not in good shape. I don’t like to ask anyone for help but this round I needed full team which I will forever be grateful for.
I returned home on Tuesday evening and got straight onto the couch. That was going to be my bed for the time being. I can’t walk far at all without pain or running out of breath and climbing stairs and beds is out of the question. I am in pain but mostly just very tired and weak. Need to be close to the bathroom as I keep having loose stools so that is pretty much my life for now. Between bathroom trips and meds I just need to sleep and recover. Between all that still putting brave face on for the kids and the husband so they don’t freak out, why paralyze the entire family. My first post op appointment is scheduled for the following Monday with the biopsy results included. Can’t stop thinking about the outcome and the conversation my surgeon had when he saw me at the hospital. He was already convinced that I do have cancer his guess was more of lymphoma than anything else. Well whichever one it is I am trying to stay ahead and process this as best as I can and give myself heads up so it will not be such a shock later on. Between all this I need to shower and eat so my strength comes back and I can start healing faster. My hubby stayed home Wednesday and helped me with my first home shower it was so good to just wash up at home. He transformed our bathroom downstairs to a very functional shower, scrubbed it ( we used it for storage and dirty jobs, mud, paint etc.) he installed a new shower head with settings so I can be more comfortable and fall proofed it. After that he did all the shopping, planning and getting boys off to school. He had a good routine going already. He did have to go to work next couple days so I mainly slept and sat on the toilet around the clock. Pain meds made me tired and the nasty hot flashes and so dehydrated. We stayed down stairs for a long time. Like an extended camping vacation, without the fire pit. Boys were OK with this and also kept the bathroom clear for me when they were home. Too weak to climb stairs for the bathroom I just had everything right next to me. Food for me is a major struggle, I can basically only drink coffee and liquid food occasional cracker with cheese and fruit. My surgery day weight was 134 lbs. I ended up eating through all my muscles and looked like I never worked out, which if you know me I took pride and joy in having finally achieved heaving defined muscles. Oh well I will just have to work harder to get them back. Weekend went OK, Family dropped in so it was a welcomed distraction.
Had a glass of wine, just thinking about the dooms day made me uneasy, can’t sleep at night and weakness keeps overtaking me as well as terrible night soaks due to my body craving the hormone this cancer was secreting. I would be totally drenched then freezing that went on for few weeks…..
