Happy 1 year Anniversary
One Year Anniversary!!
This is a very strange anniversary for anyone, but I do feel that this is a big accomplishment especially when same time last year I was hoping to live for another 6 months and was upset that I may not see my son graduate from high school and my youngest get through the freshman year. Everything changed for me and my family. When they cut you open and take few parts out then tell you not only you have an uncommon cancer but that it spread around you start to freak out. I went through a ton of emotions, went through the steps of dying which seem to apply to many life situations. I was angry for a long time, I was never in denial because I see life as it is so no need to be in denial, the last one I struggled with was acceptance. It took me almost 8 months. As my lab tests began to fluctuate and my scans always coming up negative I started to think that I will be here for a bit longer. I do not enjoy the lab work and scans with poking and contrast, but it must be done so I can keep going. I took it easy right after the surgery which was hard because I loved working out and eating healthy foods, but I needed to take at least 6 weeks to just start walking and getting stronger while my colon was trying to start working again. My hot flashes lasted a while but eventually stopped on daily basis and I started to get some sleep. I went back to work on the set because I was welcomed back with opened arms and was able to take it easy even on very long days. Crew I work with was understanding and helpful, so it was such a blessing. I am not sure how many job places or film TV productions would do this for their crew. Working also gave me a purpose to get better. Kind words and hugs kept me coming back and I knew eventually I would get stronger. Eating was a challenge for me many months after. I could eat very tiny meals or just one little item and was in lots of pain when it was moving throughout my colon. I was on pain meds to help with basic functions and that eventually got better. At 8 months I was holding more food and gaining my weight back and muscles were coming back. My husband installed a TRX system right in the house, so I was able to exercise at my own pace which started in November. As I gotten stronger, eating more I felt more optimistic. My numbers keep going up and down but after 9 months it basically stopped getting me worried because they kept going up and down and not climbing just up so it was a great sign. I have gone through several diets, all raw greens, powder meals, vegetarian diet and back to mostly greens with occasional seafood.
I am hoping to keep my body strong and ready to fight if cancer starts attacking again. Most of the year I also struggled with emotional issues. I had survival’s guilt as well as many feelings of why me, why now and how do I tell my kids and husband. I just started to appreciate little things around me, looking more at nature, trees, ocean and mountains. I have been also thinking about many changes in my life and I am making decisions for the new begging’s and adventures. I am excited to know what is coming up in my near future and can’t wait to start living my life to the fullest.
